This is not Math . . . It's chemistry.

I knew from the moment he smiled at me I was in trouble. 

And when I found myself kissing him on the seashore under the starry night with my dress, of course flapping in the wind like it’s supposed to, it was an utter confirmation that I was in deep shit.

When I received a text from my friend who’s asking if maybe I’ve the time to show around his buddy who recently arrived from abroad, familiar patterns started forming in my head.

As casual as it sounds, I know this is a date. I can very well picture what it would be like. I was completely sure what to expect.

There’ll be dinner, a movie - where he’ll try to suavely put his arms around me or try to shove his tongue down my throat - or he could ask me out for drinks. With of course a clear intent to get me drunk and an even stronger conviction to get inside my pants.

But he did none of those things.

And I should’ve fled right then and there. Far, far away from his side.

He didn’t take me home without making plans for the next day. Which again, should’ve been a neon warning sign that I completely ignored! Or chose to ignore? Oh crap.

I lay in bed restless after the third date trying to fathom this unfamiliar feeling. Confused as ever and trying to figure out what the hell had just happened in a short span of 3 days????

I recalled laughing at all of his jokes all the way home during our first date.

I recalled how he flashed a huge silly smile at me when I told him to take another route on his way back to his place, reminding him this one’s not so safe since he’s alone.

I recalled him teasing me why I’m so concerned.

I recalled ending the night with a cliche line “ I really had a great time.” To which he responded by saying “Me too” in a much much more sincere tone than mine.

I tell you, there was nothing ordinary about that night. I still don’t have the courage to confirm what time and day that was, afraid of the fact that it really had been less than 500 hours since I agreed to go out with this guy. Totally unsuspecting that he’ll take my life by storm!

The days were supposed to pass by like a blur, but they never did.

I was aware as ever how I was falling deeper and deeper into this pit of God-knows-what.

As a self-protective measure, my instincts were working full-time. It’s an automatic reflex that’s trying its best to warn me of the dangers that loom so obviously ahead.

Why I never heed baffles me.

There were a handful of situations in the past I’ve been careful not to repeat. Falling for somebody who’ll eventually leave the country ranked top of that list!

It happened only once. It almost killed me! And I was nothing before like this strong woman I’ve become and still I try to steer clear.

But there I was……………… 

Enjoying ever kiss.

Enjoying his smell. (Which is, in itself, a neon sign. Because why, out of all the men’s scents, he happens to be wearing my favourite?)

Enjoying that wonderful smile.

I want to desperately go back to when things were simpler.

I want someone to tell me promises that everything’s going to be fine.

I want to go to the gym and spend all of my energy there.

I want to leave the city. This place has just started to feel claustrophobic.

How I wish I could go back from 2 weeks ago when things were still under my control. When things didn’t suck because he’s leaving today. 

How I wish I could kill my friend who introduced us.